More Than Just a Seat at the Table: Honoring Our Older Adults This Holiday Season
The festive season is upon us, a time for warmth, connection, and cherished traditions. As we deck the halls and plan our holiday menus, it’s natural to envision bustling gatherings filled with laughter and loved ones. At the heart of many of these gatherings are our older adults – the storytellers and wisdom keepers who have shaped our families and our lives.
Yet, amidst the joyous chaos, it’s all too easy for their presence to become passive, their voices to fade into the background. This holiday, let’s commit to something more profound than just a seat at the table; let’s truly honor and engage our older adults, ensuring they are not just present, but truly seen, heard, and celebrated.
The scenario is a common one: Grandpa settles into his favorite armchair, perhaps near the television, while the younger kids buzz around, talking to their friends on the phone and planning something after the meal. Grandpa comes to the dinner table, enjoys the meal, and then returns to his quiet perch.
While well-intentioned, this passive inclusion can inadvertently lead to feelings of isolation, even amidst a crowded room.
Our older loved ones, who have hosted decades of holiday celebrations and meaningful contributions, can, over time, become accustomed to not being involved in the family conversations. This can lead to a quiet withdrawal, a self-perpetuating cycle that, if left unchecked, can contribute to social isolation and a diminished sense of belonging within the very family they helped create.
So, how do we shift this dynamic? How do we move beyond simply having their bodies present to truly honoring their minds, their histories, and their enduring place in our family tapestry? It begins with intentionality and a genuine desire to connect.
Beyond the Surface: Engaging in Meaningful Conversation
The holiday season offers a unique opportunity to bridge generational gaps. Instead of defaulting to small talk or allowing older loved ones to become silent observers, actively weave them into the larger family conversations. If the discussion is about current events, invite their perspective. Their insights, often tempered by a lifetime of experience, can be incredibly valuable and provide a richer context than we might otherwise consider.
Even more powerful, create space for personal discussions that encourage them to share their stories and memories. This isn’t just about nostalgia; it’s about preserving family history and strengthening intergenerational bonds.
I wanted to share with you something my family did to recognize my Dad on his 70th birthday. It’s something you might consider adding to your holiday traditions to honor your older loved ones.
Mom had a small book filled with questions to ask Dad, and it served as such a great guide to “interview” him. These memory-evoking questions helped us learn more about him and our family’s history. Questions like:
Who was the most influential person in your life?
What memories do you have of your grandparents?
What has been the most memorable part of being a parent to you?
What was your first job? How much did it pay?
Who taught you how to drive, and what was the first car you owned?
We recorded his responses as he shared. It was fun to see him perk up as he relived some of these memories, and it helped us see him in a new light.
You might not be using a book as your guide, but I encourage you to ask open-ended questions, such as, “Grandma, what was Christmas like when you were a little girl?” “Dad, tell us a story of your favorite Christmas when you were growing up.” These stories are not just entertainment; they are living testaments to your family’s journey, filled with lessons, humor, and a deeper understanding of who you are essentially.
Honoring Their Legacy: Showing Their Place in the Family
Honoring our older adults goes beyond conversation; it’s about demonstrating their continued significance. This could mean involving them in holiday preparations in ways that are safe, comfortable, and enjoyable for them. Perhaps they have a family recipe they can guide you through, or a special decoration that holds sentimental value, and they can help place it. Even if their physical capabilities are limited, their wisdom and guidance can be invaluable. Please ensure you check in with your loved one and their primary caregiver to plan within their scheduled routine and address their safety & predictability needs, ensuring a positive experience for them.
Another powerful way to honor them is to acknowledge their contributions and sacrifices throughout their lives. This can be done individually, through a heartfelt conversation, or even collectively during a holiday toast. “We wouldn't be here, celebrating like this, without the love and hard work of Grandma and Grandpa. We're so grateful for everything you’ve done for us.” Such acknowledgments affirm their value and remind them of the profound impact they’ve had.
Combating Isolation: The Silent Threat
The holidays, for all their joy, can also amplify feelings of loneliness and isolation for older adults, particularly those who have lost spouses or friends. While their physical presence at a family gathering is a good start, an authentic connection is the antidote to isolation.
When we fail to engage them meaningfully, we risk perpetuating the very silence they may have become accustomed to. This silence, over time, can contribute to cognitive decline and emotional distress.
By actively engaging them in conversation, listening attentively to their stories, and valuing their perspectives, we are not just being polite; we are fostering cognitive stimulation, reinforcing their sense of self-worth, and reminding them that they remain vital and contributing members of the family. These interactions are not just for their benefit; they also enrich our lives, connecting us to a deeper well of wisdom and experience.
Conclusion
This holiday season, let’s make a conscious effort to look beyond the surface. Let’s not just park our older loved ones in front of the TV and then the dinner table. Let’s offer them stimulating conversation that brings them into the larger discussions, as well as personal discussions that entice family stories and meaningful memories.
Let’s show their place in the family by truly honoring them, not just having their bodies there. Their presence is a gift; let’s make sure they feel that and that their needs are recognized throughout the day.
Ultimately, the goal is to create a holiday experience where our older adults feel cherished, engaged, and truly celebrated—not just as guests, but as the foundations of our families.
Here at WayMaker, we cherish family stories and work towards preserving them for the next generation.
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WayMakerDownsizing & Move Management
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